Posts Tagged ‘wedding’

A Cindarella Tale…

July 1, 2012

In my last blog post I self-righteously proclaimed that I would not fall victim to the superficial wedding pretense by giving in to the pressure to change my physical self striving to become the archetypical perfect bride. Well dear readers, as it turns out, I lied. I may have to lose a few inches for the wedding after all. Not from my waist or hips, not even from my butt or thighs. I don’t obsess about whether my arm jiggles when I wave or if I have cankles. I don’t have a double chin. No, my problem areas are much more stubborn than the worst of these. They are my feet.

For most of my life my lower most extremities have been a source of some embarassment. My feet are a hybrid of the worst characteristics of those of my mother and my father. My incredibly high arches, though handy in ballet class when I was 5, as well as the extreme girth of my feet come from my dad. It is thanks to my mother that I am genetically predisposed to bunions. Mine are not the feet fetishists fantasize about. Once, when taking my poor little Oma to a follow-up appointment with an orthopedic surgeon after she had broken her hip, he stopped speaking to her mid-sentence after catching sight of my feet in my high-heeled sandals. “You know you’ll get bunions if you keep wearing those!” He exclaimed! “They’re already starting!” He then proceded to take a piece of paper and trace my foot to illustrate to me exactly how my largest and smallest toes turned in, leaving hideous bony protrusions poking outwards. My grandmother was all but forgotten. His mission was to convince me to abandon high heels and strappy sandals for sensible shoes. Perhaps even orthotics. Obviously this man did not know me, as if he did he would realize I would sooner cut off my feet. If I found out I was going to die in a week would I crawl into bed and wallow? No, I would live! If I am going to bunion town, I am going to go there in style!

So far, I have staved off my fate while amassing a rather impressive and certainly not “practical” shoe collection. Sure there are a couple of pairs of runners in there for exercise and some flats for days when I might do more walking than usual, but many of my shoes would make Lady Gaga jealous. I have been called the “shoe lady” on more than one occassion. I am not a brand loyalist though I do have certain favorites. There are also some designer shoe houses I have coveted yet have never owned. I have long yearned for a pair of Christian Louboutins, Manolo Blahiks, Giuseppe Zanottis, Lanvins or my favorites, Balenciagas. Ever since seeing these brands in my first issues of Vogue I have promised myself I would one day don one such elegant and extravagant pair. When I was younger, they were galaxies out of my reach. As a gainfully employed adult I can afford more luxuries though I have always thought spending $1000 on a pair of shoes just seemed reckless and irresponsible. That was of course until I started planning my wedding. A wedding is a great excuse for spending money. Thousands of dollars for one dress? No big deal. Hundreds for a cake? But of course. A bouquet of flowers is HOW MUCH? Well, if they’re EXOTIC or out of season it only makes perfect sense. And of course you need extra special $1000 shoes. Armed with this in mind I set out to find these extraordinary shoes. The shoes I have been dreaming about half my life.

Balenciaga booties

My criteria was red. I felt drunk with giddiness as I picked out the pairs of Louboutins and Manolos and Valentinos to try on. I could barely sit still as I waited for the sales associate to bring them to me. The first pair arrived. I slipped my foot in….wait…it’s stuck! Damn it! I can’t get my gargantuan foot all the way into the shoe, it’s too narrow! Okay, next one. Same problem. Maybe I’ll try the size up. I manage to squeeze this one on (just barely) but quickly realize that there will be no way I could wear said shoe for more than about 10 minutes before agony would ensue. This conclusion is devastating as it is the most beautiful shoe I have ever tried on. Simple, elegant, just the right amount of stiletto and toe cleavage. It is the Spanx of shoes. My foot looks streamlined and thinned, tapering just right to a subtle point. I feel like crying taking the shoes off. I quickly learn that my feet are similarly too wide for the Manolos and Jimmy Choos. It seems that high fashion is made for the very small, both in body and in feet. Of all the shoes, only one pair fit, the Valentinos. Feeling like an outcast in a store full of immaculately pedicured, narrow footed women,  I leave the store dejected.

Living with the inevitable blisters, calluses and sore feet after being on my feet in tighter than ideal shoes for hours, I have managed to live with my disfigured feet without them impeding on my life too much. But now my quality of life was being affected. I couldn’t eat or sleep thinking about my defect and how I wasn’t good enough for the best of the best in shoes. Something clearly needed to be done. So, I looked into the options. My first thought was some type of seaweed wrap. They advertise them all over for slimming the body, maybe they can slim the feet too. No go. Apparently all these do is heat you up so you sweat out a bunch of water and lose water weight. I don’t need ugly AND sweaty feet. Moving on. I know in some countries they bind feet to make them smaller. China I think. I look into it and find that a)this must be done before feet reach maximum width and size and b)this is a dated and barbaric procedure. So that’s out. I’m not really getting anywhere. Then I hit paydirt. I should have known! You can actually have plastic surgery to make your feet smaller. Dr. Ali Sadrieh, founder of The Beverly Hills Aesthetic Foot Surgery in Studio City, California told the Wall Street Journal: ‘It’s unrealistic to tell women not to wear high heels. I came up with procedures that allow the women to function, pain-free, in the real world.’ At his clinic women can have several surgeries aimed entirely at enhancing the aesthetic of their feet. One procedure is the clinic’s signature ‘Cinderella procedure’ which is a preventative bunion correction which narrows feet. The clinic can also shorten toes and can take fat from a woman’s abdomen and inject it into the balls of her feet for extra cushioning in order to reduce pain when wearing high heels. Such procedures are becoming more and more popular in the US as well as the UK.

After doing some number crunching I have determined that I can’t fit both the surgery and the shoes into the wedding budget. Darn. Also, my fiancee would like me to be able to dance at our wedding without a wheelchair or crutches. (I’m getting no support from him on this!) So unfortunately it looks like I’m going to have to live with my feet the way they are and just accept them. It’s one of the many flaws that I have and I just have to try not to fixate on them. Without my feet to dislike, I know there will be something else that irks me, begging to be remedied. Unfortunately, it seems this is the way it goes. Perhaps as an exercise in selfworth we should all try to focus on our positives which always outweigh the negatives. As for the shoes, I’ll just have to settle for the Valentinos. Boo Hoo.

THE HANGOVER PART 3 (THE FIANCEES DREADED BACHELOR PARTY)

May 30, 2012
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Source:gordonandthewhale.com

I am getting married in the next few months. For many women, wedding planning is a joyous process in which a lifelong dream is brought to life. It is a series of carefully weighed decisions involving vital elements such as invitation fonts, floral arrangements, table runners and cake icing which culminates into the happiest day of a woman’s life. For me it is a nightmare. I am overwhelmed with choices. Give me a nice white dress, my family and friends and some 90’s hip hop and I call it a wedding. One thing I am looking forward to planning: the bachelorette party. It will be a great chance to get together with girlfriends I don’t see all the time, take a trip, and let loose. The downside? My fiancee will be having a bachelor party the same weekend.

I do not consider myself the jealous girlfriend type. I have had my moments, but I think I am a reasonable person. I don’t freak out when my fiancee glances at half naked girls on the street when he thinks I’m not looking. I know it’s not his fault, he is a heterosexual man. I don’t get angry when he has crushes on actresses or reality personalities on TV, even if I think they’re cliche and ridiculous. (Paris Hilton???) I even put up with his infatuation with Kristen Kreuk, a B-list actress who lives here in Vancouver who he sometimes runs into while out walking our dog Oscar. As a fellow French Bulldog owner and lover, she has at times stopped to pet Oscar, leading my man to believe they are kindred spirits of some sort. But I willingly admit I have some reservations about the bachelor party.

My firsthand experience with bachelor parties is limited to one. In high school a friend was having an outdoor pool party. We were told we could go into the house to use the bathroom on the main floor but that the basement was off limits because his older brother was hosting a bachelor party for a friend. We saw the “entertainment” arrive. There were 2 women, both about 30, both blonde, both with names ending in ‘i’. (I don’t know that for sure, but I would wager on it). At one point I needed to use tha washroom, and seeing as how the one on the main floor was occupied, I decided there was no choice but to venture downstairs. As I walked down the steps I observed a naked man (the groom perhaps?) lying on the ground, a naked woman atop him using a feather boa to stroke his chest, while the other men stood and watched while R&B played in the background. I quickly made my exit but not before my opinion of bachelor parties were forever tarnished.

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Source:iamstaggered.com

Most men I know don’t have private bachelor parties, opting instead for nights out on the town or weekend trips. Most of these excursions will however inevitably involve a visit to the strip club. That’s alright with me, I have no objection to these dwellings. I have visited a few myself, although you won’t find me at any for my bachelorette party. There is nothing more disturbing than a man in a leopard thong that can shake it better than you can. But I do understand that strippers are part of the tradition that is the male bachelor party. But when does an innocent trip to the strip club violate the trust between a man and a woman? I encountered this scenario a few months ago when my fiancee visited Las Vegas for another bachelor party. In addition to just watching the show, the men had opted to pay for private dances in private rooms. I was livid. Through the roof livid. Now, a lap dance is one thing. In the club. In front of everyone else. I am not keen on the idea of another woman with fake breasts and a fake tan and long, flowing hair extensions, covered in coconut scented lotion gyrating on my partner, but at least I know there is a no touch policy. The private dance is another ballgame. First of all, they are expensive. Hundreds of dollars expensive. The fact that he thought this woman was worth this much money made me squirm. Also, in the ‘private room’, the no touch policy goes out the window, so my boyfriend was essentially paying to touch another woman’s breasts. This led to a fight of epic proportions where I argued this was cheating (with a prostitute), and he argued that it was just innocent bachelor party fun. So who’s right?

First of all, how common are these dalliances, and who is making them? David Boyer, author of Bachelor Party Confidential: A Real-Life Peek Behind a Closed Door Tradition, says “One thing I learned is that the groom is a little bit less likely than his friends to do something; and I think the married men are more likely to do something. This came up over and over when I was talking to strippers and talking to married men. It’s his friends that [are more likely to] get an extra-curricular activity, whatever that may be—a blow job, a hand job or further—because all eyes aren’t on the friends and for a lot of guys it is a chance to let their hair down.” He estimates 1 in 10 men will get some sort of extra-curricular activity. Other statistics show that up to 1/4 of men will engage in some type of sexual activity at their bachelor party. But what this activity can be is not clearly defined. What do the men think is cheating? 94% say having sex with another woman is cheating. 82% think kissing another woman is cheating. 64% think touching another woman intimately is cheating. 8% say getting a lap dance is cheating. 19% of men say they have seen a groom cheating on his fiancee at a bachelor party. As for us women, 83% of us don’t consider lap dances to be cheating.

So it seems my fiancee and his friends were not alone in their belief that this behavior was acceptable. However, I was not wrong to find it disrespectful and hurtful. In the end he apologized and we discussed boundaries for future excursions. For his upcoming bachelor party I will make sure we review the rules. I know he loves me and had no intention of hurting me. He treats me well and with respect every day. He is sensitive, sweet, kind and loving. He works long hours as a physician yet still cooks and cleans and makes me a priority. He is not a chauvinist and I do  not mean to make him come across that way. If your intentions are not malicious it isn’t hard to assume no one will be hurt by your actions but sometimes you have to put the shoe on the other foot. For any men reading this, I have some tips:
1)All my friends were doing it wasn’t a good excuse when you were a kid, and it isn’t one now
2)When your girlfriend is enraged about you getting a private dance from a naked stripper, the excuse “she wasn’t naked, in Las Vegas the law dictates all strippers must leave their panties on” won’t help your case. A thong is not considered a piece of clothing. Also, you don’t want to interrupt a ranting woman.
3)Touching another woman’s breasts is never acceptable. If your girlfriend let another man touch her breasts, would it be okay? What if he paid her $200? Now say it’s okay.
4)What if she kept her underwear on?
5)What if all her friends were doing it?