12 Going on 21??

Thylane Rose Blondeau

The other day I was being amused by my dog, Oscar, who has taught himself to maneuver his ball around with his nose while simultaneously chasing after it, a skill that provides him with hours of entertainment and exercise and requires no effort on my part. A young girl approached whom I didn’t recognize, along with a friend. She called Oscar by name, explaining that her mother had dogsitted for us before. On second glance I did recognize her as the 12 year-old daughter of our regular sitter, however the last and only time I had seen her she had been about to go to bed, fresh and clean and wearing a long cotton night dress that would have been perfect for a purity pledge sleepover. The girl before me looked like she had walked out of a poorly styled rap video. Her shorts, while already short enough to make me question if there was a manufacturer defect, were rolled up one more time to ensure there was no question of the fact she was indeed wearing underpants. Her shirt was slightly cropped although not as much so as her friend’s which may actually have been an undergarment. Both girls had dyed the tips of their hair purple, a fad among young Hollywood celebrities these days (I’m hip to the trends). After both girls had said their hellos to Oscar, they went back to their I-phone 4Gs and resumed what I assumed to be texting their friends while I continued to stare at them with a mixture of shock, disbelief, sadness and fear.

Pinpointing why seeing these young girls in clothing that would be only questionably appropriate on even an adult woman bothered me so much was difficult. Of course I thought these girls were much too young to be dressing so provocatively. However, I kept thinking that although these outfits were unquestionable “sexy” in nature, no one in their right mind could look at these 12 year-old girls and have a sexual thought about them. It seemed apparent that neither of them had gone through puberty yet. Although both had bra straps visible, there was no evidence that such underwear was for anything but show as both girls still had the reed-like figures of children, lacking any curves which would distinguish then from their male counterparts save their long hair and 5 pounds of make-up. These girls are simply not sexual beings yet. But deep down I fear that they could be and that they will be. These girls represent thousands and millions of other young, vulnerable 12 year-old girls today who are subject to exposures and pressures that their parents and older siblings couldn’t even imagine. Are these girls covering themselves less in response to current trends, or are they finding themselves in an increasingly hyper-sexualized environment and setting out to appear desirable in the way that they have been taught by society to do so (by wearing little clothing)? Or both?

It seems as though girls are becoming aware of the concept of sexuality at a very young age. A study performed by Jennifer Abbasi and published online July 6^th in Sex Roles showed that girls as young as 6 were beginning to think of themselves as sex objects. In the study, 60 girls 6-9 years old were each shown two dolls, one wearing “sexy” clothes and the other a trendy but conservative outfit. The girls were then asked to choose the doll that looked like herself, looked how she wanted to look, was the popular girl in school, and who she wanted to play with. In all categories the girls chose the “sexy” doll, with 68% wanting to look like her and 72% saying she was the more popular.

Where would a six year old get this perception? Well if you are watching Toddlers and Tiaras with her, or worse if she is ON Toddlers and Tiaras, look no further for your answer. Otherwise she is likely sensitive to the same media images that all women, teens and tweens are bombarded with day after day. The images that tell us what sexy is and how we can achieve it. I can think of no other reason I turn over to allow a perfect stranger to pour hot wax on my most private part during a Brazilian wax I derive no pleasure from. In the article ‘Teenage Girls Report Pressure To Live up to Sexual Ideals’ by Alexandra Topping published on July 14 2008 in The Guardian UK results from a study by Girlguiding UK and the Mental Health Foundation were published. The study showed that two in five teen girls felt worse about themselves after looking at pictures of models, pop stars and actresses in magazines. Furthermore “the girls questioned described being put under sexual pressure from boys at school or feeling obliged to wear clothes that made them look older.” Many of the girls felt bad about how they looked and their weight. Of the 10-14 year-old, 32% had a friend who had an eating disorder, 42% knew someone who had harmed themselves, and half knew someone who had suffered from depression.

Lottie Moss, 13 years old

These numbers are similar to those reported in a May 2010 article on Macleans.ca by Kate Fillion titled “Inside the Dangerously Empty Lives of Teenage Girls where she interviews Dr. Leonard Sax, author of Girls on the Edge, about today’s teen and tween girls. He has also written two books about the gender differences between girls and boys. He reports that 1 in 5 girls in the US is cutting or burning herself. 1 in 4 high-school girls is binge drinking. I in 8 takes antidepressants.

Social media is also playing a big part in the image young girls are able to present of themselves to their peers and the general public in cyberspace. Girls become fixated on presenting the perfect image of themselves on social media sites, and can lose sight of who they are and who they really want to be. They don’t derive any real value or positive reinforcement of themselves as a human being through this type of networking as any type of interaction is strictly superficial. According to Dr. Sax “Girls spend a lot of time photoshopping their pictures, making themselves look a little bit thinner than they are and getting rid of the pimples, because they know boys are interested in the photos on these sites. So you’ve got 14-year-old girls essentially presenting themselves as a brand, trying to create a public persona, polishing an image of themselves that’s all surface: how you look and what you did yesterday, not who you are and what you want to be. And that leads to a sense of disconnection from themselves, because in most cases, these girls don’t even realize that their persona is not who they are. They’re just focused on striving to please their market and presenting the brand they think will sell.” And unfortunately as we all know, sex sells.

When I was 12, I was in 7^th grade. I wore Guess jeans and corduroy pants to school. I wore turtlenecks and teased my bangs into this ridiculous style I now call “the rainbow”. It wasn’t pretty. My mother bought all of my clothes, and while I once cried until she broke down and bought me a pair of white Sorel boots I absolutely NEEDED or I would DIE, it would have been a cold day in hell before she ever bought me bootie shorts, a crop top or thong underwear in junior high. Or now come to think of it. Furthermore, many of these young girls look too small to be shopping in the adult section. However, according to Jean Twenge from San Diego University in the same Macleans article  “Forty years ago, if you went into a department store and looked at clothes for seven-year-olds, they’d be quite different than the clothes on sale for 17-year-olds. Today there’s no longer any distinction; the same short skirts are sold to girls in Grade 2 and girls in Grade 12. T-shirts that say, “Yes, but not with you” are now sold to eight-year-olds.
Girls understand what these T-shirts are about: pretending to be sexually aware.” Furthermore, because such clothing is sold in children’s clothing stores and in children’s sizes, parents are less resistant to buying it for their daughters. They think it is normal and appropriate. Suddenly this is popular culture. On slate.com Emily Yoffe wrote about back-to-school clothes shopping with her daughter in a piece called Lolita’s Closet. “A few years ago, Abercrombie, the ‘tween division of Abercrombie & Fitch, got in trouble for marketing thong underpants—with phrases such as “eye candy” printed on them—to prepubescent girls. Now scanty panties for girls are standard. At Limited Too there were pairs with rhinestone hearts or printed with cheeky sayings such as “Buy It Now! Tell Dad Later!” My dad was upset when my mother let me get my ears pierced at 12. He thought he caught a boy looking at me, as if mesmerized by the shining 10 karat gold-plated gems in my awkward tween ears and not just a horny hormone-filled adolescent pimple canvas. Thong panties? I would not have wanted to be around for that conversation.

Kaia Gerber, 10 years old

The more overtly style of dress young girls seem to have adopted is not surprising in our culture today. But are today’s youth being more sexual than those of prior decades? The answer is yes and no. Jean Twenge says “kids may be sexually intimate—the term as I use it includes both oral sex and intercourse—a little earlier and certainly they are much more likely to be having oral sex than they were 20 years ago. There are some troubling new issues. You find a lot of 12- and 13-year-old girls who are providing sexual favours to 16- and 17-year-old boys.” According to the July 2008 Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse Study 47% of tweens  (11-14 year-olds) and 37% of 11 and 12 year-olds say they been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. 37% of tweens say touching and “feeling up” is part of tween dating relationships. 27% say so is oral sex. 28% say sex is a part of tween relationships. 31% of tweens know a friend or peer who have had oral sex and 33% know one who has had sexual intercourse. Another difference according to an April 2009 article in Macleans magazine “Teen Girls in Charge” is that “nearly half of female adolescents now say it’s acceptable to have sex after a few times out together, up from 35 per cent in 1984. “Making out” is okay after being with someone a few times has rocketed up from 79 to 94 per cent, which almost puts them on par with the guys, who are at 96 per cent.” Teen girls appear to be becoming more sexually aggressive, taking charge of their sexuality.

These numbers seem high, and it does appear that tweens are experimenting with sexual activity such as oral sex earlier. But one positive is that overall the numbers of teens who are sexually active is not increasing. In fact, according to Statistics Canada, the percentage of youth virgins is increasing, as is condom use, and as a result teen pregnancy is decreasing. In the US 2011 and 2008 data are very similar showing that there also does not seem to be an increase in the number of teenagers having sex. There is also good evidence that parents and role models can play a big role in their children’s sexual health. The National Survey of Family Growth conducted from 2006 to 2008 by the Guttmacher Institute and reported by Stephanie Pappas  on March 8 2012 on Livescience.com (Sex Education Delays Teen Sex) showed that teens young men and women 15-24 who received any sort of sex education were more likely to delay sex, and use contraception during their first sexual encounter. Another study in the June 15 2011 issue of the Montreal Gazette by Laura Baziuk reported that 45% of teens look to their parents as their sexual role models. (Over their friends, celebrities, or no one at all). So with girls being sexually aware at a younger age parents should prepare themselves to talk to their daughters about sex earlier than ever. And read up before you do. She probably already knows a lot more than you think.

MANOREXIA

http://www.cultureblues.com

Our new issue of GQ magazine arrived today. The magazine comes in my fiancée’s name, however we both enjoy the subscription. While I generally skip over the articles about sports and cars, I do enjoy the monthly glimpse into the male universe. What are they being told to wear, read, eat, and listen to? Why are there 20 variations of the same brown loafer in my front closet? The answers are in this magazine. Plus the ads are much more arousing and don’t illicit the same self-loathing as those in women’s magazines. Read: gorgeous men, often in states of undress. But I digress. When I picked up the new issue, I immediately noticed the coverline: “SPECIAL REPORT: WHY MEN ARE BECOMING ANOREXICS”. While there have been several reports indicating that the number of men with eating disorders has been on the rise, I was surprised to see this article in a major men’s magazine. How big is this issue?

 

In the last few years I have observed some subtle changes in the behaviour of men in general towards food. It seems more men are drinking diet soft drinks. I hear more men ordering “skinny” drinks at Starbucks (hold the whip!) or putting artificial sweeteners in their drinks. A lot of my male friends choose salad instead of fries as their side dish. At the last wedding attended, my fiancée and I were seated at a table with four male firefighters. These men were young, thin and appeared to be in good shape. Yet for some reason all four of them were on the low-carb “Southbeach Diet”. I watched with fascination as they removed the single crouton from the soup course, refused the pasta salad, and carefully removed the layer of breading from the fish. I decided not to mention that the 12 vodka sodas they each downed contained carbohydrates. I figured they would throw them up imminently. At another dinner I attended, a male guest questioned why both potatoes and rice were served: “Who serves 2 carbs??” In a female, this behaviour would likely not have even raised an eyebrow. In these cases I found it bizarre and off-putting. Yet I wouldn’t have suspected any of these men to have an eating disorder until I read this article.

 

As a woman recovering from an eating disorder I know that the triggers for anorexia and bulimia are complicated. However it has been shown that the pressures placed on women to conform to the media and societal ideal of perfection can certainly be a contributing factor. There was a time when this was a concern of women almost exclusively. In The Beauty Myth first published in 1990 Naomi Wolf writes of women’s magazines:

“Since self-hatred artificially inflates the demand and the price, the overall message to women from their magazines must remain…negative not positive. Hence the hectoring tone that no other magazines use to address adults with money in their pockets: do’s and dont’s that scold, insinuate, and condescend. The same tone in a men’s magazine-do invest in tax-free bonds; don’t vote Republican-is unthinkable.”

And:

“Unfortunately, the beauty backlash is spread and reinforced by the cycles of self-hatred provoked in women by the advertisements, photo features, and beauty copy in the glossies. These make up the beauty index, which women scan as anxiously as men scan stock reports.”

20 years later, the content of men’s magazines very closely imitates that of most women’s publications. Magazines such as GQ, Details, Maxim and Nylon Man have numerous sartorial recommendations for the stylish modern man, reinforced by photo spreads of young, fit male models. Articles detail what’s new in the worlds of technology, music, art and books, and ensure men feel sufficiently mediocre if these prizes are not acquired. Advertisements convey the quintessential male specimen, lean men in slim-cut clothing or topless displaying bulging pectoral, abdominal, and bicep muscles. Most months feature diet and fitness advice to help men look more like the sculpted, photoshopped gods gracing the glossy pages. If looking at an Armani underwear ad featuring David Beckham is the male equivalent of women having to look at a Victoria’s Secret ad featuring Giselle Bundchen then I have no problem grasping the concept of male eating disorders.

 

The article in GQ magazine reports some surprising statistics. The author, Nathaniel Penn, reports that 20% of anorexics are men, or to put it in perspective for those that aren’t great at math 1 in 5. This is up from 5% (1 in 20) only 10 years ago, and the number is increasing. It appears that men develop eating disorders for the same reasons as women. So why has there been such an increase in the number of cases? A person can be predisposed to developing an eating disorder but never actually develop the disease because they never experience a trigger. Is it simply that, as discussed above, western culture has evolved to a point where men are facing many of the same societal pressures that women have faced for decade? This is likely only a part of it.

http://www.style.popcrunch.com

 

An article in Details magazine published November 2011 titled “America’s New Male Body Obsession” showcased 40 images that changed the way men viewed their bodies. These images are meant to illustrate how the male ideal has changed over the last several years as well as how much more focused men have become on their physiques. Included are: Mark Wahlberg’s notorious Calvin Klein ad, Brad Pitt’s very toned body in Fight Club, Mark Jacob’s remarkable weight loss, Daniel Craig, the author of The Ultimate New York Diet, a bottle of Michelob Light beer, a picture of body wax, etc. Looking at People Magazine’s Sexiest Men list, essentially all of the men topping the list had a lean, athletic physique and are very well groomed: Ryan Gosling, Justin Theroux, Chris Evans, and the winner Bradley Cooper to name a few. Topping the music charts are songs by Fun, Maroon 5, Neon Trees and Owl City, indie and alternative musicians who insist on looking like starving artists no matter how successful they get, in skintight size 27 jeans and American Apparel deep V’s. The media and entertainment industries are screaming to men that 0% body fat and a 6-pack are essential for health and happiness. And apparently they are listening.

 

In a March 24^th 2012 article on CNN.com Michael Addis, a professor of psychology at Clark University noted “male college students in his classes have changed and adapted to shifting cultural norms. In recent years, more of them spend time in the gym, focus on their appearance and monitor body mass.” He says “As women gain more financial power in society, men are expected to bring more to the table…In addition to being financially successful, they need to be well-groomed, in good shape, emotionally skilled in relationships and the emphasis on looking good is just part of the bigger package…” So a threat to male masculinity is motivating men to adopt behaviors traditionally attributed to women such as dieting and excessive exercise? Not according to some psychologists who believe men are actually trying to look more masculine by developing an obsession with muscle definition and fitness.

 

Clearly the reasons men develop eating disorders can be multifold and will be different for each person. Unfortunately, in males the disease often goes undiagnosed, at least until the patient is very ill, because doctors often won’t suspect anorexia in a male patient. Also, men are less likely to seek help due to the stigma of the disease, and the belief that it is primarily a female disease. As a result men on average will suffer with the disease longer than females, an average of 8 years. Many treatment facilities don’t admit male patients. These factors combined can be deadly, since according to the article in GQ as well as several other sources, the mortality rate of anorexia is up to 10%.

 

Most women know what it’s like to struggle with our body image. Therefore we may be in an opportune position to recognize if a man in our life is struggling with some of the same issues. It may be easier for him to talk to someone who can be empathetic rather than his male friends who he may feel aren’t experiencing the same pressures and insecurities. And the next time you find yourself worrying about what a man thinks of you, remember, he’s probably worrying about the same thing. So give yourself a break and give him one too. Nobody’s perfect.

 

 

Why do you buy? (And no one asked you Karl Lagerfeld!)

The June issue of Elle Canada magazine features an article by Ben Barry (a modelling agent) titled “New Business Model” which basically summarizes his Ogilvy Foundation funded, Cambridge University thesis research regarding how “models-depending on their size, age, and race-influence purchasing decisions.” He notes this research differs from the majority of research into the use of extremely thin models in advertising which has traditionally focused on the impact this can have on women’s body image. As in it has already been scientifically proven that looking at gorgeous, thin, photoshopped models makes women feel crappy. Mr. Barry used a study group of more than 2 500 women aged 14 to 65 and sizes 0 to 18 from a variety of ethnic groups. He had them look at fake fashion ads all featuring the same product but with different models. The models differed in size, race, and age. He asked the women their purchase intentions when they looked at the pictures of women with similar and dissimilar sizes, ages and races as themselves. After the study, he also facilitated focus groups to discuss with the women why they may have made the decisions they did.

I think pretty much most women can guess what the results were. Women increased their purchase intentions more than 200% when the models in the mock ads were their size. When the women were over size 6 this increased to 300%. Purchase intentions also increased substantially (175%, 200% in women over 35) when women saw models their own age. Black women were 1 and a half  more likely to buy a product if the model was black. Why? In focus groups women explained that they could better imagine what the product would look like on them when the model looked like on them.  Would it look good on their body type? Would it be age appropriate? Would it look nice with their complexion?

Mr. Barry did not just do this research for his own interest’s sake. His ultimate intention is to show fashion companies that it would be fiscally wise for them to use a more diverse range of models in their ads and in their fashion shows. That it would attract a broader range of customers. As most of us are aware, most models in magazines are strikingly similar in terms of body size and shape. Even so-called “plus size” models are often smaller than the average American woman. And when was the last time you saw a woman in her late 30’s or 40’s (or older!) advertising anything fashionable? It is rare, unless it is an actress who has botoxed herself back to before she married Ashton Kutcher. Barry quotes the legendary and distasteful Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld (most recent offense being calling singer Adelle fat) “Unreachable beauty is a reminder to make an effort. But if you see something, and you can reach what you see, then you do not have to make an effort anymore.” Blech. I guess that explains his face.

Oompa Loompa

Karl Lagerfeld

While I agree that doing sit-ups with a picture of Gisele Bundchen on your ceiling may be quite motivating, I doubt most women would look at her in a bikini and want to run out and buy the same one. Watching the Victoria Secret fashion show does not make me feel like any sort of angel. The recent trend of using very young actresses to sell adult designer clothing lines, such as Dakota and Elle Fanning for Marc Jacobs or Hailee Steinfeld for Miu Miu is very perplexing to me. I don’t look at a child in an outfit and imagine myself in the same one. Most children and young adults I know could never afford designer clothing. It would only seem rational to target advertising to the middle aged women with established careers who are actually buying these clothes. On the other end of the spectrum, many ads show women my age (30ish) wearing incredibly short shorts (bum cleavage? Please!), jeggings, crop tops, or neon. I have no desire whatsoever to relive my teens. I have also seen ads  for skirts, suit jackets with bras underneath, or see-through  button-downs portrayed to be career wear. If I get fired, will Karl Lagerfeld hire me in Oompa Loompa Land? If I promise to keep reaching for that unreachable beauty?

Once and a while you will see a glimpse of a model in a magazine who doesn’t look emaciated, or who has a wrinkle on her perfect forehead. More and more fashion shows will send out 1 or 2 “plus size models” down their runway. Perhaps research such as Barry’s will help to convince fashion companies that diversity and a touch of reality in fashion is not a bad thing. I think Karl Lagerfeld is a lost cause. However the fashion world is ripe with successful female designers both established and up-and-coming who will hopefully have a better grasp on the female market and on the female psyche. Until then we will just have to rely on our own common sense, honest friends and camera phones to guide our purchase intentions. Just never trust the change room mirrors. They lie.

THE HANGOVER PART 3 (THE FIANCEES DREADED BACHELOR PARTY)

Source:gordonandthewhale.com

I am getting married in the next few months. For many women, wedding planning is a joyous process in which a lifelong dream is brought to life. It is a series of carefully weighed decisions involving vital elements such as invitation fonts, floral arrangements, table runners and cake icing which culminates into the happiest day of a woman’s life. For me it is a nightmare. I am overwhelmed with choices. Give me a nice white dress, my family and friends and some 90’s hip hop and I call it a wedding. One thing I am looking forward to planning: the bachelorette party. It will be a great chance to get together with girlfriends I don’t see all the time, take a trip, and let loose. The downside? My fiancee will be having a bachelor party the same weekend.

I do not consider myself the jealous girlfriend type. I have had my moments, but I think I am a reasonable person. I don’t freak out when my fiancee glances at half naked girls on the street when he thinks I’m not looking. I know it’s not his fault, he is a heterosexual man. I don’t get angry when he has crushes on actresses or reality personalities on TV, even if I think they’re cliche and ridiculous. (Paris Hilton???) I even put up with his infatuation with Kristen Kreuk, a B-list actress who lives here in Vancouver who he sometimes runs into while out walking our dog Oscar. As a fellow French Bulldog owner and lover, she has at times stopped to pet Oscar, leading my man to believe they are kindred spirits of some sort. But I willingly admit I have some reservations about the bachelor party.

My firsthand experience with bachelor parties is limited to one. In high school a friend was having an outdoor pool party. We were told we could go into the house to use the bathroom on the main floor but that the basement was off limits because his older brother was hosting a bachelor party for a friend. We saw the “entertainment” arrive. There were 2 women, both about 30, both blonde, both with names ending in ‘i’. (I don’t know that for sure, but I would wager on it). At one point I needed to use tha washroom, and seeing as how the one on the main floor was occupied, I decided there was no choice but to venture downstairs. As I walked down the steps I observed a naked man (the groom perhaps?) lying on the ground, a naked woman atop him using a feather boa to stroke his chest, while the other men stood and watched while R&B played in the background. I quickly made my exit but not before my opinion of bachelor parties were forever tarnished.

Source:iamstaggered.com

Most men I know don’t have private bachelor parties, opting instead for nights out on the town or weekend trips. Most of these excursions will however inevitably involve a visit to the strip club. That’s alright with me, I have no objection to these dwellings. I have visited a few myself, although you won’t find me at any for my bachelorette party. There is nothing more disturbing than a man in a leopard thong that can shake it better than you can. But I do understand that strippers are part of the tradition that is the male bachelor party. But when does an innocent trip to the strip club violate the trust between a man and a woman? I encountered this scenario a few months ago when my fiancee visited Las Vegas for another bachelor party. In addition to just watching the show, the men had opted to pay for private dances in private rooms. I was livid. Through the roof livid. Now, a lap dance is one thing. In the club. In front of everyone else. I am not keen on the idea of another woman with fake breasts and a fake tan and long, flowing hair extensions, covered in coconut scented lotion gyrating on my partner, but at least I know there is a no touch policy. The private dance is another ballgame. First of all, they are expensive. Hundreds of dollars expensive. The fact that he thought this woman was worth this much money made me squirm. Also, in the ‘private room’, the no touch policy goes out the window, so my boyfriend was essentially paying to touch another woman’s breasts. This led to a fight of epic proportions where I argued this was cheating (with a prostitute), and he argued that it was just innocent bachelor party fun. So who’s right?

First of all, how common are these dalliances, and who is making them? David Boyer, author of Bachelor Party Confidential: A Real-Life Peek Behind a Closed Door Tradition, says “One thing I learned is that the groom is a little bit less likely than his friends to do something; and I think the married men are more likely to do something. This came up over and over when I was talking to strippers and talking to married men. It’s his friends that [are more likely to] get an extra-curricular activity, whatever that may be—a blow job, a hand job or further—because all eyes aren’t on the friends and for a lot of guys it is a chance to let their hair down.” He estimates 1 in 10 men will get some sort of extra-curricular activity. Other statistics show that up to 1/4 of men will engage in some type of sexual activity at their bachelor party. But what this activity can be is not clearly defined. What do the men think is cheating? 94% say having sex with another woman is cheating. 82% think kissing another woman is cheating. 64% think touching another woman intimately is cheating. 8% say getting a lap dance is cheating. 19% of men say they have seen a groom cheating on his fiancee at a bachelor party. As for us women, 83% of us don’t consider lap dances to be cheating.

So it seems my fiancee and his friends were not alone in their belief that this behavior was acceptable. However, I was not wrong to find it disrespectful and hurtful. In the end he apologized and we discussed boundaries for future excursions. For his upcoming bachelor party I will make sure we review the rules. I know he loves me and had no intention of hurting me. He treats me well and with respect every day. He is sensitive, sweet, kind and loving. He works long hours as a physician yet still cooks and cleans and makes me a priority. He is not a chauvinist and I do  not mean to make him come across that way. If your intentions are not malicious it isn’t hard to assume no one will be hurt by your actions but sometimes you have to put the shoe on the other foot. For any men reading this, I have some tips:
1)All my friends were doing it wasn’t a good excuse when you were a kid, and it isn’t one now
2)When your girlfriend is enraged about you getting a private dance from a naked stripper, the excuse “she wasn’t naked, in Las Vegas the law dictates all strippers must leave their panties on” won’t help your case. A thong is not considered a piece of clothing. Also, you don’t want to interrupt a ranting woman.
3)Touching another woman’s breasts is never acceptable. If your girlfriend let another man touch her breasts, would it be okay? What if he paid her $200? Now say it’s okay.
4)What if she kept her underwear on?
5)What if all her friends were doing it?

SUMMER IS HERE! TIME TO GET OUT THE BATHING SUITS:)

Source:sodahead.com

The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The temperature is rising. Summer is officially here. Spirits are high. We wait all winter for this season. We look forward to time outdoors in the parks, in the mountains and at the beach. Perhaps the only downside is that summer = bathing suit season which for us women can cause more dread than running into an ex boyfriend while at the grocery store in a sweat suit with no makeup while he is with his gorgeous new girlfriend.

There really is no greater pleasure than the search for a new swimsuit, whether for the summer season or a mid-winter vacation. There are many ways to embark on this quest. I have tried them all with differing levels of success. There is the tried and true try and buy method. No woman looks better in a bathing suit than she does under the fluorescent lighting of a department store change room. Pasty white from the winter, unshaven legs, bathing suit tried on over top of her underwear and viewing herself reflected in the funhouse mirror that seems to make its way into every change room.

Source:whohidthedonuts.blogspot.com

Buying and trying on at home can mean more flattering lighting but can lead to the depressing realization that your age is not the only thing that has gone up in the last year. Then there is the catalog or internet order method. Buying a bathing suit you admire on a swimsuit model and then guessing your size, only to receive it in the mail 4-6 weeks later and SURPRISE it doesn’t look quite the same!! Does wonders for the self esteem. Magazines this time of year will tell you that there is a bathing suit for every body type. The problem is that the models in these magazines range from 5′ 8″ to 6 feet tall and 100 pounds to 125 pounds. Their definition of curvy does not exactly represent the average woman. Most of us looking at these articles aren’t encouraged. But not to fear. There are three times as many articles telling us how to get our bodies bikini ready in 6 weeks or less. Thank you crunches! Ugh.

If you hate swimsuit shopping or donning a swimsuit you aren’t alone. A new study has found that even imagining trying on a swimsuit can put women in a bad mood. In the Journal of Sex Roles in May, psychologist Marike Tiggeman and her colleagues ‘wrote four scenarios to test the impact of clothing on self-objectification: In one, women were asked to imagine themselves trying on a swimsuit in a dressing room. In another, they imagined wearing a swimsuit while walking down a beach. The other two scenarios had the same settings, but instead of a swimsuit, the women were asked to imagine wearing jeans and a sweater.’ 102 female undergraduate students filled out questionnaires regarding their mood and feelings of body and self-objectification after imagining these scenarios. As you could imagine, imagining wearing a swimsuit made women feel worse than wearing jeans. But wearing a swimsuit in a dressing room made women most likely to self-objectify, not wearing a swimsuit walking down the beach. This shows how much self-objectification is an internal process. A 2006 study by the department of psychology at the University of California published in Body Image found that 31% of women had avoided wearing a swimsuit in public.

When it comes to attire, there is nothing more revealing a woman will wear in public than the glorified underwear that is the bathing suit. It is really no wonder women feel self conscious in swimwear. Adding to this is the mounting pressure women feel to not only have, but also to look perfect in their beach wear. Bathing suits are no longer just for the water. Victoria’s Secret fashion shows and designers have made swimwear high fashion. Couture bathing suits are found poolside at the most posh resorts and the most exotic beaches. They are a billion dollar a year business. In every magazine we see gorgeous, airbrushed women with perfect bodies modelling tiny bikinis. Tabloids determine who has the best and worst bikini bodies and call out those celebrities who have let themselves go each summer, as well as those who have (gasp) unsightly cellulite. This sends the message to us lay people that image is of utmost importance.

There are many options for swimsuits, from the bikini:

Source:telegraph.co.uk

To the tankini:

Source:modeikon.se

To the birkini:

http://www.londonmuslim.blogspot.com

I myself have my eye on one that I first spotted at H&M in London:

Source:www.h&m.com

It was sold out everywhere there, which tells me that I’m not the only woman that is feeling a little more modest this summer season. Or perhaps a little less interested in getting bikini ready in 6 weeks or less. But realistically, on the beach no one is airbrushed. Every woman has perceived flaws, no matter how perfect she may look to others. The important thing women need to learn is to be happy with who we are and to not obsess over every thing we want to change.

CAN YOU SPOT THE DIFFERENCE??

I had intended to blog about something entirely different today, but while researching the topic I came across something that disturbed me so much I had to rant about it. Take a close look at the picture above. What strikes you about it? You might notice that all the girls look similar. You may notice that they are similar in shape and that their poses are very alike. But look very, very closely.  You will realize that in fact their bodies are all EXACTLY same. This is an H&M ad campaign. Each of these girl’s faces has been pasted onto an identical body. This alone would be disturbing. But there is more. This is not just the usual photoshopping that is commonplace today in advertising. The body that you see does not belong to a real woman. It is a computer generated image.  According to a Swedish press spokesman for the company, photographers “take pictures of the clothes on a doll that stands in the shop, and then create the human appearance with a program on a computer.”  The company feels that by doing this, the focus is kept on the clothes and not on the models.  H&M’s US spokesperson Nicole Christie said “This technique can be found in use throughout the industry. This is not to be seen as conveying a specific ideal or body type, but merely a technique to show our garments. It is regrettable if we have led anyone to believe that the virtual mannequins should be real bodies. This is incorrect and has never been our intention.” These images are shown throughout their website and print ads. It is unclear how customers would be expected to believe they are anything but real women, except for the fact that they are absolutely flawless and their bodies are essentially humanly unattainable.

The controversy surrounding the altering of digital images in advertising is old news. Whether to sell clothes, to sell magazines, to promote music or to further an image it seems that beauty is essential and that the reality is never as good as the fantasy that can be generated with a few strokes of the keyboard. The computer can do as little as fix a blemish or a shadow or completely change a woman’s body. In 2009 Ralph Lauren released an ad featuring model Philippa Hamilton which was altered to the extent that her waist was smaller than her head. She looked so out of proportion that it drew outrage and mockery from several media outlets and blogs. In fact, the real model was a healthy and normal looking young woman. She was subsequently fired from the brand, she claims for being too “fat”. Below is this example as well as other notable examples of digital alterations.

Phillippa Hamilton photoshopped (left) and natural (right)

Katie Couric

Jessica Alba

There does seem to be some hope on the horizon, as people seem to be speaking out about this type of media deception. As discussed in my last entry, certain countries are establishing or trying to establish guidelines which would require advertisers to disclose when images have been photoshopped or altered.  It seems magazines may be listening too. Glamour magazine recently polled its readers and found that 60 percent don’t want ads to mislead them, and that  78 percent were opposed to slimming a body to look even five pounds lighter. As a result , the magazine has decided to limit it’s retouching. It has vowed “A pimple or wrinkle may be removed, but making a celebrity impossibly thin or otherwise altering the face or physique of its models will no longer be tolerated at Glamour, even if the celebrity asks for it.” Bravo. Now maybe if magazines start hiring models that are the size of normal women, we might get somewhere.

 

 

 

Will you buy what the kids are selling?

Dakota Fanning for Marc Jacobs Lola perfume

 

There has been a lot of controversy lately surrounding the use of very young actresses as the faces of campaigns for everything from makeup to perfume to high end designer clothing. Dakota Fanning was the cover girl for a Marc Jacobs campaign at the age of 12, and now at the age of 17 she is the face of his Lola perfume ads. Her younger sister Elle (13) is showcasing his Marc by Marc Jacobs line. 14 year-old Hailee Steinfeld, best known for her Oscar nominated role in True Grit was the face of the 2011 Miu Miu campaign. 15 year-old Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass) has just been named the MaxMara 2012 face of the future and is doing an advertising campaign for them. 19 year-old Emma Watson has been doing campaigns for Burberry since 2009. Using young celebrities in advertising isn’t a new concept. In 1980, a 14 year-old Brooke Shields was the young centerfold in Calvin Klein jean ads, alongside the very suggestive logo “Nothing gets between me and my Calvins”. However the number of underage girls in the media seems to be increasing, and their age decreasing. Also, with the technology of today, media reaches a much broader demographic of people. It is hard to believe there is any race, culture, economic class, religion or age of person who is not affected by advertising today.

Hailee Steinfeld for Miu Miu

 

It is true that a lot of models are ‘discovered’ at a very young age, sometimes as young as 13 or 14. They can be doing runway shows and booking fashion shoots while still going through puberty. But let’s face it. When you see a stream of models walking down a runway, one angular, expressionless girl after another, you can’t really distinguish a teenager from a 25 year-old.  No one has any of the features that distinguish them as women, such as breasts or hips. These girls and women are alike in their androgeny. Case in point: one of the biggest models in the runway world right now is Andrej Pejic, a gorgeous Serbian who has walked numerous high-end women’s runway shows this last season. He is a man. Looking at him in the stream of other models, one would never guess he was any different from any of the female models on the runway. It is bizarre that designers believe their clothing looks best on women who look nothing like women at all, but instead like prepubescent children.

So why is hiring very young celebrities for designer ad campaigns any different? First, my soapbox: In general, I think that the modeling world is very hard on young girls, and when a teenager is put in a position where her success is based solely on how she looks, it can set her up for a lot of disappointment, rejection, and self-esteem issues. It can also send the wrong message to girls regarding what is really important. But if a parent wants to allow her daughter to model at a young age, I think it is important to look at the appropriateness of each job with respect to what that girl is selling and how she is selling it. It’s appropriate for a teenager to model a teen clothing line. If a teenager is modeling for an adult line and she is made up to look like an adult as many teens can, it may be appropriate as long as she is not placed in inappropriately adult or sexualized poses. When it comes to celebrities, these girls are household names. People are aware that they are young, underage girls, so automatically people are going to question the appropriateness of hiring them for adult clothing lines, even if they are made up to look older. The reality is that for a lot of these campaigns these girls are purposely painted and posed in order to highlight their youth and innocence. They are put in pretty dresses, or in silly, childish poses. In some of the more sinister photos, such as the Lola perfume ads featuring Dakota Fanning, there is a juxtaposition of Dakota’s youthfulness with her ‘sexuality’ where she is sitting in a cute frilly dress looking innocently at the camera, holding the bottle of perfume with a large flower top in between her legs. There are other ads that use a similar juxtaposition showing extremely youthful celebrities wearing very adult clothing and posed in a very adult manner. The Lola perfume ad was banned in the UK for sexualizing a child. The company that makes the perfume, Coty, responded that it did not feel the perfume was inappropriately sexualized because Fanning is over the age of consent (16), and also because no body parts and no sexual activity is shown. To them, the ad is “provoking, but not indecent”. Hmm. A Miu Miu ad featuring Hailee Stenfeld was also banned in the UK because it showed her wearing a very short skirt and sitting on a train track. It was banned not for the skirt, but because it showed the child in a hazardous or dangerous situation. They are referring to the railway track and not the fact she is 14 and already a sex object.

Casting a celebrity for an ad campaign is very different from hiring a beautiful yet unidentifiable model. When hiring a model, the designer is only looking for the person whom they feel will best showcase the brand. Is she beautiful? Will the clothes look great on her? When hiring a celebrity, that person will be recognizable to the general public. Celebrities have predetermined reputations to take into account, and designers have to additionally think about whether the person will affect the integrity or image of the brand. Often that is why celebrities are used, to reach their vast number of fans and help to expand the brand’s consumer base. One has to wonder what a designer is thinking when he decides to hire a child for a women’s clothing campaign. What message is it designed to send, and what message are women receiving? I can only speak for myself, and when I see a 14 year-old in a dress on a billboard, it doesn’t make me want to go out and buy that dress. It might make me say “Awwwwwww…”, but I don’t know any 30 year-old women who want to show up at a party in the same dress as their 15 year-old niece. Are these designers then trying to reach out to a younger client base? Are they trying to expand to the preteen/teen crowd? This could be a risky move. While these starlets will likely attract the attention of girls in this age range, I don’t know that a lot of them will have the allowance to purchase the digs from Marc Jacobs, Miu Miu, or  Burberry. The demographic most likely to buy these brands would relate much better to actresses that have been in movies that do not begin with Twi and end in light. Many women who covet these labels may not even know who these younger stars are, and therefore would not be swayed by their use in ads. It has been suggested that a reason for using such young stars in ads is because our culture is obsessed with youth. There may be some truth to that. But I certainly have no desire to relive my teenage years. Looking at a girl in an ad campaign who is 13-17 years of age doesn’t make me think: “Oh, to be young again”. It makes me think: “That poor girl, she doesn’t know what’s going to hit her”. (I mean emotionally, as in those hard teenage years, not literally, as in that train that is apparently going to hit Ms. Steinfeld on the railway track). Show me a 20 year-old in an ad with gorgeous, wrinkle-free, flawless skin, hair that shines, and a radiant, youthful glow, and yes, I’ll buy what she’s selling. I may even get the urge to run to the next Botox clinic. But when I see a kid gyrating against a bottle of perfume in a magazine? I just want to call her mother.

Chloe Moretz for Max Mara

 

HONEST KATE

Supermodel Kate Moss graces the cover of W magazine this month. The most famous among those who started the trend towards exceptionally thin models in the 90’s and inspired the terms “waif” and “heroin chic”, she is also likely the most controversial. Her figure, drug use, choice of men and parenting skills have all been called into question. Yet she is revered for her beauty, flair for fashion and longevity in an industry that tends to chew people up and spit them out.  She is a woman we love to hate. This is a woman who in a 2009 Woman’s Wear Daily interview stated her life’s motto to be: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. On one hand, I completely agree with the many outraged parents who worried what kind of message this statement sends to the children and teens who look up to Ms. Moss. Unfortunately this statement has been adopted as the mission statement for many “pro anorexia” websites all over the internet. As a woman who understands all too well the mentality such a statement arises from, it makes me sad to think that there are girls and women who will hear, internalize, believe and repeat this statement. But that is the topic of a whole other post.

Today, I am focusing on the fact that although there is one part of me that is completely disgusted reading this quote, there is another part of me that respects her honesty. It’s refreshing to hear a supermodel basically admit that you have to starve to be skinny. Maybe that sounds insane. But I feel like some people will read her quote and say “Hmm. Maybe it is better to be skinny than to eat.” I feel that a whole other (and I would like to think larger) group of people will say “Well, if I can’t look like Kate Moss and still eat, then I guess I won’t look like Kate Moss. Pity.” (The pity is said in an English accent because Kate Moss lives in London). Sometimes it’s nice to know that these creatures we see in magazines and on TV are actually human. I want to know that they don’t wake up in the morning looking like goddesses, and that their bodies are not genetically predisposed to repel fat. It is why although we try to look away, we are magnetically drawn to the “Guess which celebrities cellulite this is?” and “Who has the worst beach body?” tabloid issues at the grocery store. We don’t want to wish anyone ill will, but my god does it feel good to know that Giselle Bundchen has cellulite on her ass. She has millions of dollars, Tom Brady, a body to kill for, amazing hair and she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. But she has cellulite!!!!! That knocks her down to my level. She’s just like me! I’m just like her! We’re equals!!

I am so sick of celebrities who claim they do nothing to look amazing. Oh, I can eat whatever I want. I never diet. See. I’ll even let you take a picture of me holding this cupcake. Do you have the shot?? I don’t need to exercise. I’m naturally athletic. I’m outdoorsy. I’m 65 and I have no wrinkles and my eyebrows are at my hairline, but I have NEVER had a face lift. My breasts are real, they naturally punch me in the chin. I didn’t have a nose job, half of my nose just magically disappeared. (Ashley Simpson-did you really think we wouldn’t notice??) I gave birth 20 seconds ago and now I’m 5 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight, but I didn’t diet or exercise. I lost weight because of breast feeding. BREAST FEEDING? Give me a break. I know you burn a few extra calories but you just had a BABY! Your stomach stretches out the size of a basketball. It’s not normal to have a flat stomach 2 weeks later. I love you Heidi Klum, but you are a freak of nature. I ran into a friend I went to University with and could have sworn she was pregnant. Good thing I didn’t ask, because she had given birth 2 AND A HALF MONTHS AGO!! Celebrities don’t owe the public an explanation about anything, but if you agree to do an interview there is some expectation of disclosure. At least don’t insult our intelligence by lying.

Here are some celebrities who are refreshingly honest:

Elizabeth Hurley losing weight after giving birth to her son- “I’m on a good old-fashioned low calorie diet-I’m going to bed hungry.”

Gwen Stefani-“It’s a daily struggle. I work out five days a week, I can’t imagine not doing it. I’d like to have no rules and eat what I want, but I’ve learned over the years that I’m so disappointed when I can’t wear the clothes I want to wear..”

Julianne Moore-“I still battle with my deeply boring diet of essentially yogurt and breakfast cereal and granola bars. I hate dieting. I hate having to do it to be the ‘right size’. I’m hungry all the time.”

Kristen Bauer-“The other day I realized that as long as I’m in this business I’m going to be hungry.”

Samantha Janus (soap star)-“I spend most of my days thinking about food and I’m hungry all the time…When I finish working as an actress there is a size 22 woman desperate to get out and just sit and munch.”

Portia de Rossi (recovered anorexic and television star)- “I don’t remember if I was hungry all the time. I’m sure I was hungry some of the time, or even most of the time, but I do think that after a while I didn’t even recognize that I was hungry. I felt very empty and I felt very anxious. It was worse than hunger. I felt like my brain wasn’t functioning”

There are many other celebrities who are open about the work it takes to be camera ready. I feel this is important, because it helps people to realize that media images of models and celebrities are not readily achievable, nor are these people always happy and healthy. The media drives what the “ideal” is, and people will tend to strive towards this. When these revered idealized people become more real to us and we understand the struggles and demands they themselves face, perhaps women will stop being so hard on themselves for not meeting ridiculous standards.

OPEN LETTER TO GWYNETH PALTROW

 

Starve 12 weeks and you can have this body too!

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow:

I think you are really pretty. You are not a bad actress either. I went to see your movie Country Strong, and it made me cry. I read an article where you talked about what a “nightmare” it was for you to gain 20 pounds for that movie, and how panicked you felt to have to give up exercise because the director didn’t want you to have any tone at all to your body. I must admit, you did look pretty thick. I couldn’t see any of your bones jutting out at all. I would even go as far as to say you looked skinny (eek) and not  emaciated, and that just doesn’t cut it in hollywood. Thankfully as soon as filming was over you could get right back to your macrobiotic diet and strict exercise regimen and lose all of that flab. I saw you on the cover of the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar. I didn’t buy the magazine or anything, but I did flip through it in the grocery store and perused your enthralling interview. I just wanted to wish you luck on your 12-week detox. I didn’t realize you were allergic to gluten, dairy and sugar, and that you needed to do seasonal detoxes to cleanse your body of all of those nasty toxins when your system gets too inflammed. Poor you. On the other hand, it’s so great you’re so in tune with your body that you know when your ‘adrenal cortex is too high’ (as you put it) without any type of medical opinion.  Because feeling tired and cranky couldn’t possibly be symptoms of anything other than a ‘high adrenal cortex’. But you should know that if your adrenal gland is really overfunctioning, this could be a serious medical condition called Cushings syndrome. You should get this checked out by a doctor to find out what’s going on, because in some cases overproduction of adrenal hormones can be the result of an adrenal tumor and you don’t want that to go unnoticed. Unfortunately this can’t be healed by meditation or yoga or accupuncture. But regardless, detoxing is probably a great idea anyway. Especially for 12 weeks. I mean, just because there is absolutely no medical evidence of any benefit to detoxing or fasting (except for small studies in epilepsy and cancer in rats), and our liver and kidneys will get rid of essentially all toxins introduced to our systems, you will probably feel SO good after 12 weeks. I mean, it definitely makes sense that you would have MORE energy and feel just so invigorated after starving yourself for that long.  And it sounds so new-age to say “I’m detoxing right now, I’m like totally purifying my body.” Plus you’ll lose a TON of weight. But you can’t fast all the time, so I was really happy to read in your interview that when you’re not detoxing, you eat whatever you want. “Bread and cheese and wine…”  Oh. I thought you were allergic to gluten and dairy. And I think there is sugar in wine. It’s so convenient for you that your allergies come and go!! Wow, it’s so wonderful that you can delight in real food every so often. Of course, from what you describe you eat your children’s leftovers for breakfast and liquids and salads or rice cakes or half an avacado for lunch. You claim to be more of a dinner person. I’m sure you really pack it in with gusto then. I mean, you truly must a food expert, with those cookbooks you have and all that foodie advice you give out on your website. The next time I want food advice I will look to you because you look like a person who has indulged in enough cuisine in her day to know her flank steak from her fois gras. You might weigh 100 pounds, which must sting, since that would make you heftier than Angelina Jolie, that bitch who’s dating your ex. But she’s got nothing on you. She’s a lowly UN ambassador, not a lifestyle guru like you! You’re so lucky you can eat so much and never gain a pound! I guess it’s the hour and a half of exercise you do every day!
But the real reason I’m writing to you is that I’m a little concerned about you. I heard you are promoting/selling a cleanse through your GOOP website for the economical price of $425. From what I understand it is essentially the Clean cleanse developed by Dr. Alejandro Junger, which you have promoted on your site before. You seem to be a huge proponent of cleanses. I read an interview where you said that during a cleanse you “dropped the extra pounds that you gained during a majorly fun and delicious ‘relax and enjoy life phase'”. First of all, I think it’s sad that you can’t relax and enjoy life all the time. Secondly, I wonder if that’s your usual tactic: a phase of overindulging followed by a cleanse which is really just like a phase of restriction and elimination? This sounds a little bit like binging and purging to me, and that is a classic eating disorder symptom. But that’s just my opinion. You say it’s really healthy and good for you, and it must be, because it’s developed by a DOCTOR, so who am I to say? The thing is, I’ve noticed you seem to talk a lot about your elimination processes. I’m worried that it might ruin your sexy image if you keep talking about your poop so much. A little mystery is always good. Between advocating for cleanses, and talking about colonics all the time, I think everyone is suffering from TMI when it comes to your bowel movements. I’m also wondering if you know that your digestive tract is a wonderful organ. Food goes in, and is eliminated all on it’s own. You don’t even need to flush it out at all!!  In fact, a lot of the herbal diuretics and laxatives in cleanses can cause side effects like cramping, bloating, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, renal failure, electrolyte imbalances, and arrhythmias, Some herbals can cause aplastic anemia or liver failure. Colonics can cause these same side effects but because of the fluid inserted into the intestine, it can also cause rectal perforation, back and pelvic abscesses, gas accumulation in the mesenteric veins with air emboli which can cause death, perineal gangrene, colitis and fatal infections. The equipment used is not approved by the FDA and the practitioners are NOT licensed by any certified licensing body. Just looking out for you Gwy. So maybe keep your BM’s in the bathroom.
Well, that’s all for now, Stay hot!
KK
P.S-We all know by now that you’re total besties with Jay-Z and Beyonce. You remind the world in every interview. You don’t need to keep telling everyone. We all know you are trying to gain coolness points back after marrying Chris Martin, the man who is responsible for cursing the world with Coldplay. I know you tell everyone you aren’t photographed together to avoid the press. We know the real reason. We understand.
P.P.S-It’s not too late to change your kid’s names before they get to junior high and their lives are ruined forever. Or home school. You are superwoman. You can do it all.

Starve 12 weeks and you too can have this body!